Approaches to Spiritual Direction

Monica J. Maxon

Spiritual direction (also known as spiritual guidance, spiritual friendship, or spiritual companionship) starts with a desire to live a life more centered in God and the knowledge that help and guidance are needed to do so. The person desiring direction (often called the "directee") seeks another individual (or a dedicated group of individuals) to help guide, support, and listen together for God.

Spiritual direction is most often done one-to-one, with one spiritual director and one directee. But in recent years, group spiritual direction has also become more popular. In group spiritual direction, individual group members serve as directors for each other. Both relationships, though, require regular, intentional meetings, and with both, the primary focus is on the directee's relationship with God. They both consist of deeply and intentionally listening, together, for God—using the "raw" materials of the directee's everyday life to see and understand God's movements and purposes.

Spiritual Direction—Then and Now

In a sense, spiritual direction or guidance has been a part of human religious life since the very beginning. Guides were sought as spiritual companions in Judaism (priests, prophets, wise men), Hinduism, Buddhism, and shamans of native traditions. However, the beginning of Christian spiritual direction is often marked with the desert fathers and mothers in the third and fourth centuries when individuals followed them to the desert for instruction and advice. These desert abbas and ammas mostly taught and led by example, the invitation being to join them and live with them in their cell or cave.

In the early church, priests and members of religious orders traditionally were the directors, and most Roman Catholic orders included some form of spiritual direction as mandatory for their community members. Protestants have been slower to embrace the idea of seeking out spiritual advice from an individual versus seeking spiritual guidance directly from God. But in the 20th century this ministry began to extend to a variety of denominations, to men and women alike—especially as it has been realized as a ministry of the laity and not just for priests, pastors, or religious. In fact, this ministry has continued to grow, particularly among lay women.

The growing interest in spiritual direction and the ministry of spiritual direction has been sparked by increasingly widespread interest in all things spiritual—specifically, in spiritual formation—and in making authentic, spiritual life choices. Also, spiritual direction has opened up to a wider population and is no longer seen as a ministry solely of the priesthood or of pastors but a gift shared by lay men and women across denominational lines and even among different faith traditions.

No longer, then, is the pastor looked to as the sole provider of spiritual guidance, because within congregations more are being recognized for this ministry. Additionally, with the possibility of group spiritual direction, potentially more parishioners can participate and have their spiritual lives deepened. Within the group, there is a potential for a wider variety of spiritual insights to come into play during discernment. Whether or not clergy are called to offer formal spiritual direction themselves, they might benefit from being in spiritual direction for their own spiritual support. In fact, a number of clergy have found clergy group spiritual direction very valuable.

What Happens in Spiritual Direction

What exactly happens in spiritual direction? In truth, much will rely on the individuals and the moment. One-to-one direction meetings are usually an hour long and take place in a safe, hospitable, prayerful place with silence and prayer an integral part from beginning to end. Group spiritual direction meetings would necessarily last longer, due to the need to accommodate more than one directee in a session. But both should happen in a quiet space where the encounter will not be interrupted and where there will not be multiple distractions. Some find a lighted fireplace, a lighted candle, or religious artwork conducive to this, but the space should above all be private.

Although spiritual direction may seem to imply the giving of orders or directions, in fact the opposite is true. The spiritual director and the directee are in a way both seeking direction, with God or the Holy Spirit as the real director in this relationship. The director does not impose his or her will but seeks to listen for and to God, together with the directee.

Typically the directee shares whatever he or she is moved to share from everyday life, and truly everything in an individual's life is open to spiritual direction. Although there may be transition issues, or life or spiritual crises, there also may not. It's important to note, however, that spiritual direction is not psychotherapy or pastoral counseling, even though all three may deal with similar life issues. Spiritual direction deals with a felt spiritual hunger or need and does not entail any problem-solving. What is always being looked at is God in the life of the directee, how God is manifested and how God's ways are discerned. Spiritual direction is a prayer-centered, prayer-filled relationship, where the uniqueness of each individual is greatly valued.

People may initially choose spiritual direction for any number of reasons (life transitions, a time of loss, a yearning for God) but all want to be alert, aware, and responsive to the presence of God. Spiritual directors, in turn, most often realize their ministry by being sought out (formally or informally) by others. Thus spiritual direction is seen as an "art" or ministry by many: a gift that, once recognized, can be nurtured and supported, but not a skill that can ultimately be taught.

Qualities of Spiritual Directors

A cursory look at various lists of desirable qualities for spiritual directors can be very intimidating. But as with any human endeavor, no spiritual director embodies all these qualities or embodies them perfectly. There is after all no perfect way to look into one's own heart and into God.

Yet the two main components for a spiritual director seem to be (1) a heart and life centered on God and (2) the ability to listen deeply and compassionately with and for another. For these, the director needs to have a very personal awareness of God, an experience of God in all of life, and a willingness to share that God-centeredness freely. The deep listening that is called for also implies the gift of paying attention to everything.

Spiritual directors also should have a certain spiritual maturity, a commitment to their own spiritual health, and enough life experience to be empathetic but not enmeshed in life's hard edges. He or she needs to be open, understanding, and responsive, able and willing to share a variety of emotions. But ultimately the director must be willing to humbly "stand aside" and look into—as well as live into—the mystery of God in the directee's life. The spiritual director is most likely an individual who inspires trust, is of course committed to confidentiality, and has a genuine respect for others, with a sense of humor that can perhaps help in holding everything lightly.

At times, the spiritual director will also need to provide affirmation, raise questions, or assist in discernment. Discernment is, in fact, a major element in spiritual direction since most of us do not often sense a clear way ahead or a have a clear understanding of where or how God is pointing us. But again, in this relationship it is God who is the real director. The human director depends on the Holy Spirit and in a sense tries to open up awareness, open up space for God, and then stay "out of the way." The director may ask questions such as, "Where is God in this or how is God in this?" but also holds a deep reverence for the mystery of God at work.

For the spiritual director's own spiritual support, she or he also should have a personal spiritual director and if possible a supportive colleague group. In addition, she or he will have a mature life of prayer and will be intentionally in prayer for the directee, inside and outside the context of the direction meetings.

Prayer and Relationship

In fact, the spiritual direction relationship needs to be surrounded by and imbedded with prayer. From the beginning, those seeking a direction relationship are encouraged to pray about their choice of director, and the director in turn prays about the potential relationship. And prayer infuses the spiritual direction meeting from beginning to end. Silence, also, can be a valuable part of the direction meetings, helping both individuals to stay centered in God.

Although spiritual direction has been done via letters in the past, and currently some are exploring email direction, most writers on the subject believe that spiritual direction is best done face-to-face. There is perhaps no real substitute for seeing the directee and being able to pay attention to anything that is going on in the directee in the moment. In addition, some spiritual directors do request a fee for their time, and it is important to raise this issue and discuss it openly in the first meeting together.

In short, spiritual direction can be a valuable relationship for all who take their spiritual life seriously, since its aim is ultimately wholeness of life and a relationship of love with God. And although the director assists the directee along the way—listening, affirming, confronting, and discerning, always in the context of prayer—both are listening openly and attentively to God. Ultimately spiritual direction is God's work and the spiritual director is a companion along the way.

Resources

Probably the best resource for the ministry of spiritual direction is being in a spiritual direction relationship with an experienced director. There are also a number of programs for nurturing and supporting directors, some in-depth and some of briefer duration. Some of these programs focus more on training and skills while others view their purpose as spiritual formation for spiritual directors.

The Shalem Institute's ecumenical Spiritual Guidance Program was one of the first to be created and offers a spiritual formation, immersion experience through its two residencies and at-home work. Susum Corda, The Upper Room, The Guild for Spiritual Guidance, Christo Center, and Wellstreams are just a few of the other organizations that now offer in-depth spiritual direction programs as well. In addition, many seminaries and colleges throughout the country now include spiritual direction certificates and degrees. Spiritual Directors International provides a very comprehensive, regional listing of these programs on their website.

Presence journal (published by Spiritual Directors International) comes out quarterly and is focused on spiritual direction issues. Other periodicals, like Review for Religious, Weavings, Shalem News, and Spiritual Life, have direction articles on occasion. In the last twenty years alone, a great many books have been written on this subject, and the following selected suggestions are admittedly just a few.

Books that Provide Good Introductions to Spiritual Direction

Tilden Edwards and Rose Mary Dougherty, my former colleagues at the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation, have written two of the basic books on spiritual direction. Tilden's Spiritual Director, Spiritual Companion: Guide to Tending the Soul is a re-freshening of his earlier classic Spiritual Friend and provides a basic text for spiritual directors and directees. The book first looks briefly at the history of spiritual direction and then focuses on the ways we know spiritual experience. It also offers help for recognizing a spiritual companion and assistance for spiritual directors. Dougherty's Group Spiritual Direction: Community for Discernment is a wonderful introduction to the purpose, value, and history of group spiritual direction and is essential for anyone considering either joining or creating a group for spiritual direction. It includes chapters on general spiritual direction and discernment but more importantly offers specific details for creating and sustaining these groups.

Given that spiritual direction has been a part of the Roman Catholic community for a number of years, there are many books to be found by Roman Catholic authors. William Barry and William Connolly, two Jesuits, show the influence of Ignatian spirituality in their book, The Practice of Spiritual Direction, as they examine spiritual direction, God and the directee, and the relationship between director and directee. The Way of Spiritual Direction, written by an Oblate (Francis Kelly Nemeck) and a hermit (Marie Theresa Coombs), is very concrete and deals with the nature of the spiritual director, the directee's needs that draw him or her to direction, and the direction relationship.

Two Protestant women writers, Jeannette Bakke and Margaret Guenther, stand out in this introductory group. Bakke's Holy Invitations: Exploring Spiritual Direction provides an excellent, straightforward introduction to spiritual direction and is especially clearly written for those who have little or no experience of the ministry. Bakke also provides a variety of director/directee dialogues that give a flavor of typical exchanges. She looks at the basics of spiritual direction, selecting a director, and subjects that are frequently considered. Guenther's very accessible, straightforward style in Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction demystifies spiritual direction as she writes about the everyday lives she sees and hears about in direction and offers many clear examples from her years as a director. She also elaborates on the image of the director as midwife but does not find this exclusive of male directors.

While most of the introductory books give some history of spiritual direction, for a more detailed look at the history, try Kenneth Leech's Soul Friend. Considered one of the spiritual direction "classic" writers, Leech sees spiritual direction as our greatest pastoral need today. Morton Kelsey's Companions on the Inner Way: The Art of Spiritual Guidance is less specific as to the actual how-to's of spiritual direction but deals more with the journey of love that is spiritual guidance: providing an atmosphere of love, God as Divine Lover, and directors as instruments of love.

For a collection of different voices in a single volume, Spiritual Direction: Contemporary Readings, edited by Kevin Culligan, OCD, and Writings on Spiritual Direction by Great Christian Masters, edited by Jerome Neufelder and Mary Coelho, are valuable resources. Culligan's volume contains chiefly Roman Catholic, 20th century voices whereas the Neufelder/Coelho book includes Orthodox, Roman Catholic, and Protestant voices from the sixth century to the 20th. Both books are organized around general topics—such as the need for spiritual direction, choosing a spiritual director, and discernment in spiritual direction.

Other authors of note who give basic introductions to spiritual direction: Quaker John Yungblut in The Gentle Art of Spiritual Guidance; Episcopal priest Alan Jones's Exploring Spiritual Direction; Edward Sellner in Mentoring: The Ministry of Spiritual Kinship; Mennonite Wendy Miller's Learning to Listen: A Guide for Spiritual Friends; and Msgr. David Rosage in Beginning Spiritual Direction.

Books with a Specialized Focus

Another Shalem former colleague, Gerald May, has written an extremely helpful study of the psychological aspects of spiritual guidance. His Care of Mind/Care of Spirit provides a variety of psychiatric considerations encountered in the direction relationship and shows how spirituality and psychiatric understanding complement and diverge from each other.

For those who already have had some experience as spiritual directors, two books offer a more in-depth look at the topic: Janet Ruffing's Spiritual Direction: Beyond the Beginnings and Carolyn Gratton's The Art of Spiritual Guidance. Ruffing's topics include theological themes in spiritual direction, transference in spiritual direction and resistance in spiritual direction, and each chapter offers questions for further reflection. Gratton's book integrates a wide variety of psychological and spiritual insights, incorporating her knowledge from mystical theology, Christian tradition and the human sciences.

Norene Vest's edited work, Tending the Holy: Spiritual Direction Across Traditions, includes Buddhist, Sufi, and Jewish voices as well as Christian voices. Howard Addison, a rabbi who was in spiritual direction for a number of years with members of a Roman Catholic order, also writes about spiritual direction from other faith traditions in Show Me Your Way: The Complete Guide to Exploring Interfaith Spiritual Direction. More recently, Rabbi Addison has edited (with Barbara Eve Breitman) a collection of Jewish writers in Jewish Spiritual Direction: An Innovative Guide from Traditional and Contemporary Sources. In addition, Addison and Breitman have begun an institute to train spiritual directors in the Jewish tradition.

For a feminist perspective, Kathleen Fischer's Women at the Well: Feminist Perspectives on Spiritual Direction is a good resource. Fischer's book grew out of her work with women in spiritual direction and looks at women's experience of God, women in scripture, and the spiritual legacy of women.

And finally, although Eugene Peterson's book, The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction, is not strictly about the formal ministry of spiritual direction, he writes an interesting and engaging book about the necessity of reclaiming the true pastoral role of prayer and cure of souls—in a sense spiritual guidance and spiritual openness in all of life outside the Sunday service.

Points to Remember

Spiritual direction is typically a one-to-one relationship but also can be offered in groups.

Anyone—male or female, clergy or lay—may be called to give spiritual direction and will know this gift chiefly by being sought out.

Spiritual direction is a listening relationship, imbedded in prayer, from the beginning choice of director by the directee to the meetings themselves, to a commitment to be in prayer outside of the regular meeting times.

Some key characteristics of a spiritual director: humility, ability to listen attentively and compassionately, God-centered and spiritually mature, trustworthy, grounded in prayer, and open to the mystery of God.

Although life circumstances or transitions may lead a person to seek direction, spiritual direction provides companionship along the way of life and can be embarked on at any time. However, it is not the same as pastoral counseling or psychotherapy. There is no problem-solving but rather a simple, open presence for God and a willingness to look together at how God might be leading or calling the directee.

The director accompanies and listens with the directee, but God is the true director in this relationship.

For more information—as well as links to resource providers—please remember to check out the Congregational Resource Guide's annotated set of resources on spiritual direction.

Monica J. Maxon is Director of Communications and Development at the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation in Bethesda, Maryland. She holds a Master's degree in Theological Studies from Virginia Theological Seminary in Alexandria, Virginia.